So I’ve really not been ok. I don’t think I realized how far under the water I was until I started to surface recently. I don’t know how I mistook the murky deep for light or air. All I know is that I didn’t know how bad I was feeling until I started feeling better. Depression is tricky that way. It’s like the frog who doesn’t feel the water getting hotter as he starts to boil because it’s been happening so gradually.
Thankfully I have found a good nurse practitioner who recognized the need to up my medication. Every once in a while I’ll have these flashes of hope and light, and their existence is quite a surprise to me. That buoyant feeling means its working!
My new therapist reminded me that in the past six months I have moved across the country, left my job, left my girlfriends, AND my sister died. So a little depression really shouldn’t be surprising me–or a cause to panic. I LOVE her. People think you have to be crazy to go to a therapist. I say I’d be CRAZY not to see one. She helps me realize that I am quite sane.
So, I’ll be here, trudging along–skipping occasionally–and working my way up out of the water.
The thing is everyone can benefit from therapy at one time or another. I have always found you to be very interesting but never crazy. I am glad the meds might help. Miss you
Well said my friend!
I’m glad you’re surfacing a little more, and really glad you’ve got a good therapist.
I’ve been just lower than baseline lately…
Hi Shel, I am glad you are seeing glimmers of true light and hope. What a picture you drew. Enjoy the sun today. Love ya- Julie
I agree 100%. When you have even one or two of those major stressors, you can expect depression. I think it’s a strength to go to a therapist when you realize you need it. Good for you.
Being a bi-coastal guy, I’ve found that people on the east coast are more likely to think of therapists as helpers for crazy people. It’s funny, but people like to talk about their “counselor” even if the person is a therapist… probably because it sounds less dramatic.
Here in CA, a therapist is as common as a primary care doctor. I’ve actually witnessed people just meeting at a party saying in casual conversation, “really? what does your therapist think about that?” as if it was just assumed that the person had a therapist.
I wish I had a funnier way to write all that.
I like what you said about crazy.
Anthony and I just read your post and are thinking of you today. I am a BIG believer in nurse practitioners — they are good people.
Beautiful and so very very true. It was actually in therapy when I learned that I wasn’t crazy. You did experience so many changes and heartbreaks along with a crushing blow…I am glad you are being gentle with yourself and that you are coming up from the deep
I like the frog illustration. Sometimes i don’t know how “bad” it’s been until I start to get better and I think to myself, “so that is where I was…”
Hey Shelley, I got that last comment at my blog, too — it’s a spammer, see the get rich link at the bottom.
Thanks for the head’s up, Marcy!
You and your family remain in my thoughts as you try to navigate the road of grief. Try to be easy on yourself, you have been through a lot. You remain in my prayers.
You know your therapist is good when they convince you that you are in fact sane. Shows they really care about you, not their job security.
Love you!
Hello Shelly,
I found you as I was searching to find something I can read to help me through today. It’s my brother’s 11th year anniversary since he left us. It was an accident that took him from us but the thing about grief, it never goes away. It’s been 11 years and it hurts just as much but you find ways to deal with it. He was my big brother, friend and father figure. He raised me to be who I am today and I wish every day he was here to see it. I still look for him and see part of him every where I go but now I smile. He was the wind beneath my wings and still is. The memories keep me sane and in time brought smile to my face.
I think it’s great that you can reach out for help through this difficult time in your life. I personally think feeling insane sometimes is normal. Why not, you lost an important part of you.
I think you are doing as well as expected darlin’. I guess I never commented before but that’s what I thought. We’ve got to get our blog mojo going again. I miss reading between the worlds. xo
Hey Shelley,
I don’t know if comments to your blog get emailed to you, for when you’re not logging in, but I thought I’d try sending you one anyway. I hadn’t looked at your blog for a long time and just happened to go this evening. I am so sorry to hear that you’re fighting depression again. I, too, know the discouragement when depression returns, the feeling that it won’t end.
I want you to know that my prayers are with you during this time. I don’t know where things are at right now for you, but I do know that there’s light ahead. And I know that that light is there for you. Hang in there,
and give your sweet girl a hug – sometimes that the most healing thing we can do.