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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Summer Sabbath

Posted in Bizarre, Church, Community, Family, Funny, Grace, Houghton, Houghton Wesleyan Church, Sadie, Silly, Surreal, This rural life, Uncategorized on July 19, 2009 | 5 Comments »

Summer Sabbath is what my church calls That Time In The Summer When Everyone Is Away. It is also my favorite time of the church year because we all cram into the church for one service. Usually we have three services–one contemporary, one traditional, and one for the college students–and I don’t especially like to [...]

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The Secret Ingredient

Posted in Anxiety, Cleaning, Complaints, Contentment, Creativity, Family, Frustration, Half-Assed, House Muse, Learning, Motivation, Procrastination, Things I can't stop talking about, homemaking, hope, joy, life, perfectionism on January 12, 2009 | 13 Comments »

I have a teeny tiny problem with perfectionism. If I can’t do it perfectly, (I tell myself) I can’t do it. So projects pile up, clutter collects and my life goes from order to disorder in a blink. I have journal entries dating back to 1997 that say the same thing: why can’t I get [...]

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Christmas Recap

Posted in Anger, Cleaning, Complaints, Family, Freaking Depression, Frustration, Grief, Hang ups, Losing a sibling, Motivation, My sister, Pathetic Scene File, Sad, Sadie, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, death, homemaking, hope on January 3, 2009 | 6 Comments »

Well, I didn’t hate Christmas. It didn’t suck. Surprisingly. Though I did have a few moments where I wanted to hurl myself off of the mountain side because the physical pain would have felt much better than the waves of grief that shoved me hard underwater at random and unexpected times. I found myself muttering [...]

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Why My Self-esteem Doesn’t Depend on a Six Year Old

Posted in Family, Funny, Motherhood, Sadie, Self-image, Silly, Surreal, Well-being, Who am I?, tagged , on November 2, 2008 | 9 Comments »

Sadie: All moms are annoying. Kids don’t want moms.
Me: Hmm. I think kids would really miss moms if they weren’t there.
Sadie: Yeah, maybe other kids don’t want moms, but I do. I just wish you didn’t always tell me what to do. It’s very annoying. How would you feel if I said to you ‘Clean [...]

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Good News

Posted in Family, God, Grace, How I still am a Pharisee, Learning, Losing a sibling, My sister, The afterlife, Well-being, Who am I?, Wonder, death, hope, joy, life, work, tagged , , , on October 27, 2008 | 15 Comments »

So I swiped my sister’s journals while I was home this weekend. I was looking for her CDs (that girl had more music than anyone I know…) and while I was rifling through her stuff (I’m getting used to it now–I don’t feel so much like a scavenger or an intruder) I found the journals. [...]

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Ghost Sock

Posted in Bizarre, Family, Funny, Grief, Losing a sibling, My sister, Running, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, Yikes!, death on September 24, 2008 | 5 Comments »

I was stretching at the gym earlier, and I was a little bit startled to see Tate’s feet. I had her little footie socks on that she always wore, and my brain changed my wide, chunky feet to her delicate, dainty ones–including her little chicken ankles.  I swear, I was wearing my sister’s feet, like [...]

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The ‘Pathetic Scene File’

Posted in Family, Freaking out, Grief, Losing a sibling, My sister, Pathetic Scene File, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, death on September 19, 2008 | 15 Comments »

Today was a rough one. I was listening to my ipod, bopping around–unloading the dishwasher happy as you please–when I heard this tiny snippet of a song. It reminded me of a song that my mom used to play when my sister Tate and I were little. It wasn’t even the SAME song. It just [...]

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When?

Posted in Anxiety, Family, Grief, Losing a sibling, My sister, Ponderings, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, death on September 15, 2008 | 6 Comments »

What happens if all I feel is a giant, heavy, Blah? It’s like a big rock is just sitting on my stomach. Sometimes I am afraid that I’m not dealing with my sister’s death at all, so I write in my journal over and over: Tate is gone. Tate died. My sister died. I have [...]

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Conflicted

Posted in Family, Frustration, Grace, Losing a sibling, My sister, Ponderings, Sad, Things I can't stop talking about, death on September 8, 2008 | 17 Comments »

I was doing ok today until I went to Tate’s Myspace page. I watched the images of her slideshow go by, and I just sat here and choked out sobs. She looks so happy in the pictures. So fun to be around. So smiley and gorgeous. The conflict for me is that I haven’t seen [...]

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Navigation

Posted in Family, Grace, Losing a sibling, My sister, Sad, Solitude, Surreal, The outdoors, Transition, death on September 6, 2008 | 12 Comments »

My little sister Cindy and I stood looking into Tate’s casket on Wednesday night and asked each other, ‘Is this it? I mean, have we actually accepted this? Are we still in denial? Shock?’ Because after the initial horrible-ness of seeing her laid out–actually dead–in the funeral home, we sort of got used to it. [...]

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