It occurred to me in the shower this morning that I am paralyzed by fear. Stuck stock still, feet set in concrete. I’m scared out of my mind. And here is what I am afraid of: that I will never change. That I will always be wondering where my motivation is hiding. Wondering what my [...]
Archive for the ‘OCD’ Category
Imperfect Action
Posted in Anxiety, Blah, Boredom, Creativity, Freaking Depression, Hang ups, Imperfect Action, Insecurity, Motivation, OCD, Ponderings, Procrastination, Self-image, Things I can't stop talking about, Where are my words, perfectionism on July 18, 2009 | 7 Comments »
Surfacing
Posted in Freaking Depression, Freaking out, Grief, Houghton, Losing a sibling, Mental health issues, Motivation, Moving, My sister, NY, OCD, The Bleak Midwinter, Therapy, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, death, hope on February 23, 2009 | 16 Comments »
So I’ve really not been ok. I don’t think I realized how far under the water I was until I started to surface recently. I don’t know how I mistook the murky deep for light or air. All I know is that I didn’t know how bad I was feeling until I started feeling better. [...]
I Love You; Go Away!
Posted in Anxiety, Complaints, Family, Freaking out, Frustration, Hang ups, Mental health issues, Mother-guilt, Motherhood, OCD, Over-reaction, Sadie, Things I can't stop talking about, Why Sadie will need therapy, Yikes!, homemaking on July 26, 2008 | 7 Comments »
It’s the usual summer stress: convincing Sadie that she DOES NOT need to be occupied every second of the live-long day. She does NOT need a friend over the minute her first friend of the day leaves. Same issue, different state. What is most frustrating to me is that I have created this world for [...]
Lighting
Posted in Complaints, Frustration, Hang ups, My opinion, OCD, Over-reaction, Silly, Things I can't stop talking about, Yikes!, coffee on May 13, 2008 | 8 Comments »
Here’s my question: WHO puts fluorescent lights in a coffee shop?? What is up? Lamps, people! Lamps or indirect lighting. First of all, there is a glare on my laptop screen. Second of all, have we NOT heard of ambiance?
I am aware that I have lighting issues. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with fluorescent [...]
“Only” Guilt
Posted in Anxiety, Family, Frustration, Hang ups, Mental health issues, Mother-guilt, Motherhood, OCD, Sadie, Things I can't stop talking about, Uncategorized on May 10, 2008 | 10 Comments »
So I was talking to my good friend Charlie today about mommy-guilt. She was saying that it comes with every baby. Well I feel plagued with it right now. I mean, simply PLAGUED! I have to keep telling myself that I do not have to be my child’s sister. You know, the one I haven’t [...]
Spring Break
Posted in Amazing friends, Anxiety, Community, Creativity, Family, Funny, House Muse, Mental health issues, OCD, Silly, homemaking on March 19, 2008 | 7 Comments »
Since I’m beyond remembering what was significant about the post I lost, I’ll just move on. I haven’t been posting for awhile because 1) I’ve been wheezy sick. If I laugh a little bit, I sound like I’ve been smoking for 100 years (and I don’t smoke, except for that one time in college when [...]
Rosie and the Crazy Lady
Posted in Anxiety, Frustration, Funny, Mental health issues, Motherhood, OCD, Sad, Sadie, Silly, Uncategorized on February 21, 2008 | 7 Comments »
I have officially morphed into That Insane Mom. Sadie lost her little lovie, Rosie, the other day. It’s her sweet little white bunny that she takes EVERYWHERE with her. I thought maybe we left it at the Dr’s office. So I called the front desk and told the lady that I had an EMERGENCY. [...]
Saved from the Brink of Insanity…
Posted in Anxiety, Family, Frustration, God, Grace, Mental health issues, Motherhood, OCD, Sadie, homemaking, work on January 23, 2008 | 5 Comments »
So Sadie was sick and out of school all of last week. I tried to go into work once (lugging a suitcase full of entertainment for Sades: dvd player, coloring books, stencils, glittery pens, granola bars, barbies…) and why did I think I could get any work done? Oh, wait. I had forgotten. I still [...]
(won’t you take me to) FEVERTOWN
Posted in Anxiety, Family, Frustration, God, Grace, Mental health issues, Motherhood, OCD, Sadie, Uncategorized on January 18, 2008 | 6 Comments »
Every Sunday I plan meals for the week, cut coupons, and make a grocery list. Every Monday morning, I drop Sadie off at school, go to work, leave there around 10:00am, head to our local WalMart Supercenter and purchase said groceries. Sadie used to go with me, and every once in a while, she realizes [...]
For Sadie
Posted in Anxiety, God, Grace, OCD, Ponderings, Post Partum, Well-being, Wonder on March 26, 2007 | 3 Comments »
I was looking at the curve of Sadie’s chin–and the way her jaw meets her hairline in the shape of a half-heart–and I thought that I might never stop staring at my child. How amazing to see her long lashes close and point to the spattering of freckles on her cheeks. How amazing is it [...]

