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Archive for the ‘Sad’ Category

Christmas Recap

Posted in Anger, Cleaning, Complaints, Family, Freaking Depression, Frustration, Grief, Hang ups, Losing a sibling, Motivation, My sister, Pathetic Scene File, Sad, Sadie, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, death, homemaking, hope on January 3, 2009 | 6 Comments »

Well, I didn’t hate Christmas. It didn’t suck. Surprisingly. Though I did have a few moments where I wanted to hurl myself off of the mountain side because the physical pain would have felt much better than the waves of grief that shoved me hard underwater at random and unexpected times. I found myself muttering [...]

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I don’t even know.

Posted in Complaints, Freaking Depression, Grief, Losing a sibling, Mental health issues, My Yellow Tambourine, Sad, Well-being on December 10, 2008 | 13 Comments »

Sometimes I just want to throw up the badness. Or, I wish I could find the Depression-Off-Switch. At least I’d like to get some kind of schedule of WHEN I am going to feel horrible. I don’t even know what it is. The grey skies? The holidays without Tate? The tuna melt I had for [...]

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Ghost Sock

Posted in Bizarre, Family, Funny, Grief, Losing a sibling, My sister, Running, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, Yikes!, death on September 24, 2008 | 5 Comments »

I was stretching at the gym earlier, and I was a little bit startled to see Tate’s feet. I had her little footie socks on that she always wore, and my brain changed my wide, chunky feet to her delicate, dainty ones–including her little chicken ankles.  I swear, I was wearing my sister’s feet, like [...]

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The ‘Pathetic Scene File’

Posted in Family, Freaking out, Grief, Losing a sibling, My sister, Pathetic Scene File, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, death on September 19, 2008 | 15 Comments »

Today was a rough one. I was listening to my ipod, bopping around–unloading the dishwasher happy as you please–when I heard this tiny snippet of a song. It reminded me of a song that my mom used to play when my sister Tate and I were little. It wasn’t even the SAME song. It just [...]

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When?

Posted in Anxiety, Family, Grief, Losing a sibling, My sister, Ponderings, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, Transition, death on September 15, 2008 | 6 Comments »

What happens if all I feel is a giant, heavy, Blah? It’s like a big rock is just sitting on my stomach. Sometimes I am afraid that I’m not dealing with my sister’s death at all, so I write in my journal over and over: Tate is gone. Tate died. My sister died. I have [...]

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Conflicted

Posted in Family, Frustration, Grace, Losing a sibling, My sister, Ponderings, Sad, Things I can't stop talking about, death on September 8, 2008 | 17 Comments »

I was doing ok today until I went to Tate’s Myspace page. I watched the images of her slideshow go by, and I just sat here and choked out sobs. She looks so happy in the pictures. So fun to be around. So smiley and gorgeous. The conflict for me is that I haven’t seen [...]

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Navigation

Posted in Family, Grace, Losing a sibling, My sister, Sad, Solitude, Surreal, The outdoors, Transition, death on September 6, 2008 | 12 Comments »

My little sister Cindy and I stood looking into Tate’s casket on Wednesday night and asked each other, ‘Is this it? I mean, have we actually accepted this? Are we still in denial? Shock?’ Because after the initial horrible-ness of seeing her laid out–actually dead–in the funeral home, we sort of got used to it. [...]

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Suspended

Posted in Anxiety, Family, Freaking out, My sister, Sad, Surreal, Things I can't stop talking about, Uncategorized on August 26, 2008 | 14 Comments »

I cried a lot today. I had no idea what it felt like to carry a burden of grief around like this. The waiting, dear God, the waiting. I’m unloading the dishwasher and I think ‘Oh. I’ll call Tate.’ (That always makes the task go faster) and then I remember, and I’m almost doubled over [...]

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Roller Coaster

Posted in Amazing friends, Anxiety, Arkansas, Community, Freaking out, God, Grace, Houghton, Insecurity, Moving, NY, Ponderings, Sad, Sadie, This rural life, Transition, Well-being, Wonder, coffee, homemaking on August 7, 2008 | 9 Comments »

Roller Coaster is so cliche, but it fittingly describes my summer. When we first arrived in NY I felt this sense of home–a comfortable familiar even though we we’ve been away from this town for 11 years. I was in wonderland–a cool breezy land of green enchantment. The trees, of course, but also the people. [...]

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Precarious

Posted in Anxiety, Arkansas, Community, God, Grace, Motivation, Moving, NY, Ponderings, Sad, Selling the house, Things I can't stop talking about, coffee on May 30, 2008 | 7 Comments »

I’d like to say I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been busy, but that is just not true. I’ve been rather mopey–wandering around the house wondering what I’m supposed to be doing. We had the whirlwind of getting ready to show the house and my adrenaline was running high, and now it’s like [...]

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