The Wood Between the Worlds

In C.S. Lewis’ book “The Magician’s Nephew”, the mad uncle-magician finds dust from the lost city of Atlantis and believes he can use it to travel to different worlds out of our universe. He creates rings filled with the dust, which, if worn, will draw the wearer back to the dust’s original place. He is too much of a coward to try it himself, so he manipulates his nephew Digory and Digory’s friend Polly to put the rings on and see where it takes them. When Digory and Polly disappear, they land not in a specific ‘world,’ but a place that is in between our world and other worlds. It is a lush-green, drowsy place which Polly calls ‘The Wood between the Worlds’. It is still and quiet there–so quiet that you can hear the grass and trees growing. All around are small puddles that the children discover will take them into the other worlds if they put the magic rings on their fingers, hold hands, and jump in.

The image of this wood has always captivated me–and feels now like a fitting illustration of my life. I have sent my daughter to all-day preschool–so my days of staying at home full time with her are over. I’m still at home, but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now. I’m in that in-between place where not much is happening…though I can see lots of possibilities for my next jump.

I chafe sometimes at this waiting. As a Christian, I believe that my life has purpose and direction in serving God, and doing what pleases Him. Though it was difficult, I knew that I was supposed to stay home as long as I did with my daughter. God used the time to transform me and teach me so many things (though I begged Him to let me out of it often…and checked the classified ads on a regular basis…). Now I want to know what He has for me in this next stage, but He’s been pretty quiet about it.

So I plan meals, try to keep up with the laundry, transport my child to and from school, work on keeping the house together (falling short in that department on a regular basis…), visit with my other stay-at-home mom friends and wonder what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I feel insignificant and lonely some days.

Essentially, this blog is about the in-between space where I find myself living. I’m trying to keep my eye on the bigger picture–that significance doesn’t come from what I DO, but WHO I AM in Christ–and how I love and serve Him in my daily living. This presents a paradox to me–a tension between living in this accomplishment-driven society, and following the unconventional Jesus. His priorities weren’t to make himself known or to feel important. He came to serve and love–not in the limelight with the celebrities of the day, but backstage–with the lowly people.

I wrestle, wrestle, wrestle with wanting to be ’somebody’, to feel affirmed and validated, to matter in this world. Who doesn’t, right? I wish I could love God and love my neighbor, period. My humanity is just in the way all of the time. So I trudge through, praying for transformation, praying for right perspective, desiring to want God above all else. Thankfully this is a journey, and not a destination. I trust that God will help me find fulfillment, show me where I’m to use my gifts and abilities and lead me into a deeper relationship with Him.

In the meantime, I’ll be here in this green, sleepy place–listening to the grass grow.