Sadie is obsessed with her pink sparkly pants and a pink Disney Princesses shirt. She wants to wear this outfit EVERYDAY. She wore it yesterday, and asked me if she could wear it again today. hmmmm, I thought to myself this morning: should I let her GET IT OUT OF THE HAMPER and wear it again? I mean, it’s not THAT dirty–just a bit dusty around the butt from playing in the park…and only one dark red kool aid stain on the shirt…
So I say (and mentally see my mother cringing…) ok Sadie. Get it out of the hamper, and YOU decide if it’s clean enough to wear. She’s five–she has eyes, she can see for herself. She thought it was fine (of course). So I smelled it, and it smelled fine. Against all of my upbringing, I sent her off to school in the same outfit she wore yesterday, having ,yes, retrieved it out of the hamper. Upon hearing this story, my dear mother said ‘you do what’s right for you even if I would do it differently.’ I appreciated that. It’s nice to have a mom who lets me do it my way. But that still doesn’t stop me from second guessing myself.
I want Sadie to express herself and be free. I don’t want her to worry about how she looks at FIVE. Sheesh. It will start soon enough. But I remember being little and hearing what my mom had to say about disheveled, mismatched-looking kids: “Oh, that poor child. Her mother must not take care of her.” In her lifetime–in her own mothering experience, maybe it was a priority for her to have her kids looking good (read: well cared for). Maybe it was because she came from humble means, maybe it was her generation, I don’t know. But for me, I’d rather not fight Sadie on what she wears to school as long as she is happy and comfortable. My worth as a mom does not lie in the perfect appearance of my child. But every once in a while, I have a niggling doubt. What if people think Sadie IS this poor, pitiful child who has no other clothes? I want to send a note along with her saying “you should SEE what this child DOESN’T wear–PILES and PILES of cute skirts and flowery shirts and adorable dresses and like 8 pairs of jeans, many of which are name brand.”
Then I remember. Sadie is her own little person. She is not a little version of me. She feels GOOD in her favorite outfit, and that gives her confidence. Even if the shiny red shoes she wore WITH all that pink totally clashes. She loves it. And I don’t want to forget that this is her life, not mine.
ha, ha. My 2-year old son has worn the same red race car shirt for two days in a row. He even slept in it. It’s not that dirty, and he’s comfortable. I’m glad to know there are other moms like me out there!
In fact, I wore the same clothes the last two days in a row b/c I was comfortable and they were clean.
My mom was totally different, though. She couldn’t have cared less about what we wore, or if our hair was fixed. I started fixing my own hair when I got old enough.
Hi Shelley,
I just happened upon your blog via a comment on Ellen’s…so I jumped on over. I love reading what you have to say. I can imagine Sadie at school today, and it brings a smile to my face.
Hope you are all well. We are still adjusting to this new life out here!
Hi Shelley. Welcome back!! Since I only know you through your blog, I was hoping that you were okay. I’m glad to hear that you are, in fact, even better than you were before. Enjoy the world of being a mom with external commitments/joys!
By the way, you inspired me to start my own blog. Feel free to take a look when you have a chance (www.spiritsflight.wordpress.com)
Hey Amy! Good to hear from you. I check your blog every so often to see how life is on the West Coast. Thanks for stopping by 🙂
sjs mom–thanks for thinking of me–I’m doing fine. I stopped blogging mostly because summer was upon me and I was busy with Sadie and the pool and summer. Now I have some time to myself again. It’s nice. I feel honored to have inspired you…I’ll link to your blog right away!
Shelley,
LOL. Gotta love her. I’m learning from you.
ps. I love “For Sadie.” – Julie
You DID do the right thing for you and Sadie. Good job, Momma. Tristan used to get baths everyday as an infant. Isaac gets a bath every 2 to 3 days. I do the same test. Give him a once over and smell him. It’s a tried and true method. Go with what works, right!?