Archive for February, 2008

Today I sat out on my back porch and put my face to the sun. I heard the birds chirp: robins, finches–even a woodpecker in the distance. I took off my shoes and sunk (sank?) my feet in our damp back yard–pushing down mole holes with my toes and smelling the fresh earth. I turned over a brick and found a red spider–sitting still, blending in with the background, and I watched roly-polys turn into protective balls in the mud.

The world is waking up.


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So someone found my blog by searching for this phrase: “pictures of naked women with flabby skin.”

I’m hoping it was a woman who was dealing with body image issues and wanted to see that she was not alone. And that the bodies God gave us are beautiful, flabby or not.

I’m hoping it was not a scary fetish person.

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I have officially morphed into That Insane Mom. Sadie lost her little lovie, Rosie, the other day. It’s her sweet little white bunny that she takes EVERYWHERE with her. I thought maybe we left it at the Dr’s office. So I called the front desk and told the lady that I had an EMERGENCY. I literally said this during the height of the worst flu epidemic our town has seen in AGES. (It was an emergency to me…) I told her that we had been in that morning, and it was of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE that we find the white bunny.

She transferred me over to the office manager. I got her voice mail, so I left her an URGENT message explaining that my daughter can’t sleep without this Webkinz bunny, and here is what it looks like: it has two hair bands on it’s ears like ponytails–bright purple and green–you can’t miss it–so could she PLEASE do a thorough search of room three, the kids waiting area, and everywhere in between?

I didn’t hear back from her, so I called again and said I NEED to speak to a real person, and the office manager is not answering her phone. Could you please look for this lost white bunny? Could a nurse go back there and scour the area? And the front desk lady said, oh, we looked all over for it this morning and didn’t find anything. She was so nonchalant! Didn’t she GET that Rosie MUST BE FOUND? So I asked her if we could stop in after school and look for it ourselves. Whatever, she said.

So we showed up after school and went up to lady sitting at the desk and I said “did I talk to you earlier about the white bunny?” She looked at me like I was speaking gibberish. Apparently she was NOT the person I had talked to. So it’s super busy in there, and the phone is ringing off the hook, and I’m like ‘do you have kids? My daughter lost her favorite white bunny here this morning, and I was hoping we could go back there and look for it ourselves.’ She can barely contain her huffy sigh, and picks up the phone and calls back to the nurse and explains the situation. I catch a teeny eye roll. “Uh huh. Yeah, they’re here…” she covers up the mouthpiece and says “the nurse said she ALREADY looked for it and didn’t find it.” I am feeling panicky and I say a little too quickly, ‘did she check behind the bed? In the crate with the toys? Can I go back there and look myself?’ She sighs again and talks to the nurse again. She looks back up at us and says, no, I’m sorry, we can’t allow you to go back there, we have a patient in that room…wait, the dr. knows who you are and he said he’ll send the nurse out to get you (ahh, small towns!)

So a nurse comes out to the front and looks at us and says “White bunny?” She is not amused. Sadie and I follow her back to the room and she tells me again that she even looked in drawers and cupboards and couldn’t find it. I tell her that I’m a little OCD (!?) and that I’m really glad she is letting us look. Of course we don’t find anything. The doctor (who we love, and who knows I have a teeny anxiety problem) says they’ll call if they find anything.

I am almost crying (but I don’t let Sadie see it…I’ve got to keep it together!) but I am so sad–it’s like a piece of her little soul is missing. I keep thinking of Rosie’s ears in the little ponytails and my heart just hurts. So we go to the store and buy her another Webkinz. She gets a cat and names her Isabella, but I can tell it just isn’t the same. She is not NEARLY as huggable as Rosie. We say a prayer that night that God will help us find Rosie, but I’m secretly thinking that some kid swiped her from Room Three at the medical center. The next day Sadie says how sad she still is about losing Rosie, and how she hopes she will someday forget about her. I think I’m taking it harder than her. I know it’s crazy, but I can’t help it.

I went to her school after lunch to volunteer, and on a whim I stopped in the office and asked if anyone had found a white bunny. The office lady said “Does it have hair bands around it’s ears like ponytails? Bright green and purple?” ROSIE! I yell. She told me that someone had found her on the floor yesterday and had brought her to the office. I told her the whole story about how awful it has been (for me especially) without Rosie and about the dr’s office, and she patted my arm and said her daughter lost her Sunshine blanket once, and she CALLED HER DOCTOR AT HOME to come open up the medical center after hours.

Thank you office lady! Thank you for understanding.

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Before we moved to Arkansas, we lived in Western New York. Not far from snowy Buffalo, NY, we had what felt like an eight month winter. We’d get a big storm in October, then snow, sleet, snow, then it would be below zero; Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day; MARCH…snow, three feet of snow, cloudy, cloudy, sleet, grey; April, freezing rain, cold, some crocus sightings, light flurries; Mother’s Day: green grass peeking up through the snow still piled in the shaded areas. I was in a Bible Study at the time with a woman who had lived in my current city and then moved to Western NY. When she heard I was moving to Arkansas (it was February of 1997 and we hadn’t seen the sun for weeks…) she gripped my arms a teensy bit too hard and looked me in the eyes and said, “The sky is SO blue there….”

Turns out one of my very favorite things about living in Arkansas is the sky. She was totally. right. I didn’t know the sky was so big until I moved here. Yeah, we get like maybe a week straight of winter weather, then it’s in the 50’s and 60’s again with this soaring blue up above. Today there are little puffy clouds barely blocking the sunshine. Even after almost 11 years of living here, I’m still amazed at winter here. I mean, my front-yard bulbs are starting to come up. And it’s FEBRUARY! Sometimes I don’t feel like I have endured enough Winter to deserve such a wonderfully early Spring.

Not that I’m complaining.

I think it might be warm enough to go sit out on my patio and get some Vitamin D. Ahhh, winter in Arkansas šŸ™‚

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Yesterday I bought Sadie Bratz sneakers.

I told myself long ago I would not pay money for any Bratz products. Sadie has known since she was conscious that I didn’t like Bratz dolls. We’ve had many a discussion about why this is: they are too grown up, they wear too much make-up, and they look like they WANT to get into trouble. This has made Sadie all the more curious about them, and she has asked for them often. She’ll say “I like Bratz,” then she’ll look up at me sideways to see my reaction.

This past summer, a neighbor girl gave Sadie two Bratz dolls she didn’t play with anymore. Since Sadie wasn’t interested in playing Barbies at the time, I didn’t think much of it and just downplayed it. Well, as I mentioned in my last post, she is now FULL FORCE into Barbies. And that includes those two Bratz dolls. We’ve been playing that the Barbies are including the Bratz and are teaching them manners, how to be sweet, and how to not get into trouble. We’ve imagined that they came from an orphanage and have had a hard life so far.

Then, yesterday, Sadie’s Cinderella Princess sneakers ripped, and she begged for Bratz sneakers. This posed quite a conundrum for me, since the Bratz shoes were literally the only ones that fit her in all of WalMart. Was it ‘giving in’? Not standing on my principles? Would I be endorsing something that I shouldn’t be allowing my daughter to have? I paced up and down the shoe aisle wondering what to do.

I started thinking about my evangelical Christian upbringing–about the rules: what NOT to do or wear; who NOT to hang out with, what NOT to watch or listen to. And now as a ‘Christian Mom’ what NOT to buy my daughter. It dawned on me that if I bought these shoes for Sadie, people might judge me in the exact same way I have been guilty of judging other moms whose kids are allowed to wear, eat, watch, etc. things I don’t approve of. My own hypocrisy stared me in the face.

We’ve been trying to teach Sadie that God looks on the inside first–that hearts matter more than what someone looks like. We’ve been telling her that Jesus invites everyone, and that He loves us all the same even though we all look different. I’ve been trying to get there in my own life too–where it isn’t Us vs. Them–the ‘saved’ and the ‘unsaved’–the sinners and the saints. God has been working on me to look at every person I see as someone dearly loved by Him no matter what they look like, how they act, or even whether or not they believe in Him. I’ve been praying for eyes to see my own sin–that I am just as black as someone who commits murder or molests children. How we are all the same, and so, so loved by God.

So I got the shoes, and a lesson too. I want Sadie to be inclusive and full of love and respect for everyone–the way I believe Jesus was. I think Jesus would have hung out with Bratz.


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Every morning, the minute Sadie wakes up, she wants to play Barbies.

When I was pregnant and pious, I vowed that MY little girl would not be allowed to play Barbies. She wouldn’t wear pink, either. No child of mine would be trapped by old-fashioned oppressive stereotypes. MY child would be liberated from the ‘ideal’ body type that the Barbies possesed, and their evil plan to make all girls hate themselves.

Then I had a little girl who loved pink. And who is now obsessed with playing Barbies. It is so funny for me to think of my pre-Sadie me, and all of my notions of what I would do as a parent. When Sadie started showing interest in her Barbies, I was so excited that we ran right out and bought tons of clothes at the flea market. I forgot how much IĀ  loved playing Barbies as a kid.

I eat my words daily.

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Caroline over at Rainbow’s Start and EndĀ tagged meĀ and hereĀ are the rules:
Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
Tag 7 people and link to them.
Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Seven Random or Weird Facts About Me:

  1. Tight shirts make me cranky. IĀ hate having anything up against my armpits.
  2. I wasn’t that sadĀ when my dog died.
  3. When I was little, my imaginary friends were Jesus, Laura Ingalls and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. The three ofĀ us used to ride bikes.Ā 
  4. When I moved to Arkansas, I didn’t believe in chiggers. (I thought they were like Santa, or the Tooth Fairy) Then I sat in a nest of them and got 28 itch-my-skin-to-the-bone welts.
  5. I was the Hula-Hoop champion of my block when I was 8. I beat out a thirteen year old.
  6. I never learned to parallel park.
  7. I am not friends with Math. I can’t remember my times tables, do fractions or figure out percentages.

Here are the seven people I shall tag:

Rock on friends!

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